I bought my mom an iPod nano for Christmas, and she’s been loving it, but we haven’t really had time since then to sit down and import some more CDs onto it since she got it (I gave it to her loaded with some of her favorites and a few extras, but not much). Anyway, she’s going out of town tomorrow, so I went rooting around in my stack of CDs to find more to put on and found these two gems:
Which still makes me sad because what the hell. Every time I’ve met them, Zac has been rude to me. One time he even straight just blew me off, which I found out later was caught on their livestream camera, and subsequently copied and uploaded to youtube by fans. I was actually super embarrassed when I saw it. CD, your contents are so good but your cover is so sad! And that is my pathetic Hanson story.
ANYWAY, moments later, I ran across THIS BABY:
Which…I mean….come on…. I can’t believe this hasn’t been on my iPod all this time. My only excuse is that I totally forgot that I had it.
So, in the wake of reading this terrifying shit, Postcard and I started chatting, as you do, about the zombie apocalypse. Here are some things Postcard and I enjoy: zombie media, common sense, and YELLING ABOUT STUFF. Thus, for your reading pleasure, please enjoy our simple twenty-step guide to NOT DYING in the unlikely event that a zombie apocalypse ravages humanity:
IN THE EVENT OF AN ACTUAL APOCALYPTIC SITUATION, ASSUME THAT THE FOLLOWING THINGS ARE GOING TO STOP WORKING: running water (this includes toilets); anything that relies on electricity (this includes gas pumps); anything that relies on natural gas lines (this includes gas stoves/central heat); basically, anything that relies on there being a factory of some variety at the other end of thing you want to make do stuff. THAT’S ALL GONNA BREAK. THIS INCLUDES THE INTERNET. Thus, the most important thing to do in the event of a zombie apocalypse is:
RESEARCH. For as long as you possess the internet, do everything you can to learn as much as possible. Research edible/medicinal plants (or seriously, go into a bookstore and loot your shit a guidebook, they’re not large, they sell little tiny ones, you can put it in your pocket, WHY DOES EVERYONE IN EVERY ZOMBIE MOVIE NOT DO THIS). Research, from available information, how the zombies work/which of their senses are functional—for example, if they operate largely by smell, you want to work on smelling not alive. If they operate largely by sight, DON’T LIGHT FIRES AT NIGHT. And speaking of fires…
HERE’S THE THING ABOUT SHAWARMAS. From 2007-2009, I ate a shawarma (usually the sandwich, but sometimes just a pile of the meat on a “salad”…which was basically just a giant pile of delicious meat shavings with some lettuce underneath and a drizzle of herb-infused olive oil) FOUR TIMES A WEEK. Literally. Four times a week. I haven’t eaten there in a couple of years and the owner of my favorite shawarma place STILL waves to me if we see each other while in our cars, stopped at an intersection.
So, consider this a public service announcement for all you Avengers fans who have never had a shawarma and are thinking about trying it because of that movie: use caution. Because shawarmas are a gift from the gods. If you like delicious food and your diet allows meat, shawarmas are where it’s at. But you might possibly love them and never want to eat anything else ever again. Clearly, poor Joss has fallen into that trap.
“And if a woman should say she doesn’t want to have children at all, the world is apt to go decidedly peculiar: ‘Ooooh, don’t speak too soon,’ it will say — as if knowing whether or not you’re the kind of person who desires to make a whole other human being in your guts, out of sex and food, then have the rest of your life revolve around its welfare, is a breezy, ‘Hey - whevs’ decision. Like electing to have a picnic on an unexpectedly sunny day or changing the background picture on your desktop. ‘When you meet the right man, you’ll change your mind, dear,’ the world will say, with an odd, aggressive smugness.”—
I get this all the time. Also “I thought the same thing…UNTIL I HAD ONE” As if having a child is something you do just to make sure that you really don’t want one. And (this is purely anecdotal, but..) it’s always from people who were active about their procreation. Like, they totally DID NOT want any kids so they stopped using all forms of birth control and had regular sex with only one person and then also carried their pregnancy to term. And they try to make me believe that throughout the whole process they were like “Man, I sure hope I birth a velociraptor because I’m telling you, I definitely do not want kids.” and then suddenly in the hospital it’s a human baby and they’re like “NOPE I WAS SO WRONG BABIES ARE AWESOME”
I don’t like these kinds of articles. It’s not that suddenly no everyone has a shorter attention span or has become dumb or lazy, it’s just that now there are SO MANY MORE things that are fighting for our attention. I mean, if there’s a movie I want to see, a show I want to watch, an app I want to fickle around with, a book I want to read, a magazine I just got in the mail, season tickets to the theater, a blog I want to go through, etc, and I only have so many hours of free time to get them done, then yeah, it’s probably gonna take a while to get through all of them. If all I had was a book to read and a show to go see, it wouldn’t take long at all. I hate this bullshit “oh, things were so much better way back when…” stance that people are always taking. Oh boo-hoo, every book I’ve ever bought or read is not going to become a treasured heirloom! How will I survive?! How dare companies publish all the books that they think are good rather than only a few precious works “deemed for the ages”! And the people who have read those smaller, shorter, sad little books that some people love just as much, well, they just don’t matter because they are not “the essential cultural core of an educated person’s experience.”
And, this is totally anecdotal, but it seems that the kinds of people who are always lamenting the past are the people who can’t put down their smart phones or log off of Facebook or are watching movies or whatever other modern technology is constantly holding their attention.
Plus, the books that the author is talking about are all intellectual books or biographies, books that actually require some extra room. And even if they don’t, then they’re books that the authors and publishing companies think require some extra room, and that’s THEIR choice, not yours. He also complains that if he were to devote all free time to reading the books, he will have “only” read 11 hefty, intellectual books in 2 months. That’s 66 books a year and nothing to really scoff at. I used to set this goal for myself, that I would read 100+ books every year outside of school, and I usually reached that goal pretty easily. As I got older and acquired more “toys” I started rationing my reading time. I gave up the higher book goal in favor of fitting in watching Doctor Who or playing Angry Birds. But that was my choice. I read less books now, but I enjoy them just as much. And I also get to enjoy baking macarons and browsing tumblr. So what?
And one last thing, for an article that complains so much about books being too flowery and full of non-essential research, I found it very funny that it took two internet pages, mentions of books and their page lengths (non-essential research, tbh), and more than a handful of very flowery similes in order to basically say “I think books are too long now and I don’t have the time to read all the ones that I want to read. I wish publishing companies would stop publishing such long books.” I really hope the irony is not lost on the author.
So, I remember thinking that movie was pretty creepy when I first saw it, but overall it was sad and a decent movie to watch. Anyway, it’s on tv right now and my mom is watching it in the other room. It’s SO MUCH CREEPIER when you only get the dialogue. Deep, rough man voice and screechy little girl voice having a discussion about how he’s not wearing clothes and how he’ll “be back next Tuesday”
This is an enormous chain and I’m sorry, but I need to say this:
The laws in the Old Testament were set forth by god as the rules the Hebrews needed to follow in order to be righteous, to atone for the sin of Adam and Eve and to be able to get into Heaven. That is also why they were required to make sacrifices, because it was part of the appeasement for Original Sin.
According to Christian theology, when Jesus came from Heaven, it was for the express purpose of sacrificing himself on the cross so that our sins may be forgiven. His sacrifice was supposed to be the ultimate act that would free us from the former laws and regulations and allow us to enter Heaven by acting in his image. That is why he said “it is finished” when he died on the cross. That is why Christians don’t have to circumcise their sons (god’s covenant with Jacob), that is why they don’t have to perform animal sacrifice, or grow out their forelocks, or follow any of the other laws of Leviticus.
When you quote Leviticus as god’s law and say they are rules we must follow because they are what god or Jesus wants us to do, what you are really saying, as a Christian, is that Christ’s sacrifice on the cross was invalid. He died in vain because you believe we are still beholden to the old laws. That is what you, a self-professed good Christian, are saying to your god and his son, that their plan for your salvation wasn’t good enough for you.
So maybe actually read the thing before you start quoting it, because the implications of your actions go a lot deeper than you think.
/An atheist who understands Christian theology better than Bible-thumpers do.
otherwise why did you go on the date? he didn’t do it to spend time with you, you’re a shrill dullard. he doesn’t give a shit about your AA hire career, he actually earned his position. he went on the date because he wants sex. you went on the date because you’re a conceited gold digger.
the revolution is coming ladies, less and less men are putting up with your intolerable behavior and hysterics. you brought this on yourselves, don’t blame me for pointing it out. you poisoned the waters, and men aren’t drinking from them anymore.
I’ve seen this getting reblogged, but not with the full text, so here it is in all of its ignorant misogynist glory.
Basically this is how rapists think. You believe a woman owes her body to you because you coughed up $30 for entrees and drinks. You believe there are any circumstances under which a woman is required to have sex with you.
This is why I hate and distrust all men’s right’s activists. Because this is their core belief: women are just dull conceited shrill hysterical banshees trying to manipulate hard-working honest men for their moniez and sperm.
Sometimes women go on dates to have sex too. But sometimes we want to get to know a guy (or girl, or other person) a bit more first. Sometimes people are looking for love. Or love AND sex. Sometimes you buy us dinner and YOU are dull and conceited and have heinously oppressive political views, and maybe we would have slept with you if you weren’t awful, but you are, and we don’t owe you sex EVER.
I managed to go on plenty of dates and get married, even with my feminazi bonerkiller man-eating ways. Ladies (and everyone else too): do NOT settle for an asshole like this. Under no circumstances do you owe anyone your body. There are worthy people out there who are capable of forming human relationships without demeaning all women and then pulling a “don’t blame me, I’m just sayin!!!” cop-out.
My favorite part is the part where it says “the revolution is coming” Which revolution is that? The one where people blame women for not having sex with men and where rape and sexual assault is an everyday occurrence and where men have privileges based solely and entirely on the fact that they are men? That one? Because I’m pretty sure that’s real life right now. I’m so confused.